Performing a Blessingway by Selina Nylander July 2008
From the heart of Earth, by means of yellow pollen
Blessing is extended.
Blessing is extended.
On top of a pollen floor may I there in blessing give birth!
With long life-happiness surrounding me
May I in blessing give birth!
May I quickly give birth!
In blessing may I arise again, in blessing may I recover,
As one who is long life-happiness may I live on!
Blessing is extended.
Blessing is extended.
On top of a pollen floor may I there in blessing give birth!
With long life-happiness surrounding me
May I in blessing give birth!
May I quickly give birth!
In blessing may I arise again, in blessing may I recover,
As one who is long life-happiness may I live on!
-Navajo chant from the Blessingway Ceremony
In March this year I organised and facilitated a Blessingway for my friend Vicky.
I had read about Blessingways (a traditional Navajo healing ceremony/rite of passage, now used as an alternative to baby showers to celebrate a woman, her pregnancy and transition to motherhood) a few years previously and had suggested it to a friend (for whom I was a birth partner) but she wasn’t keen on the idea. So when Vicky asked me to be her birth partner I suggested the idea of a Blessingway to her and she agreed it sounded fun!
Vicky was pregnant with her first baby, she is one of a large group of friends I met after I had my daughter, a fantastic and diverse bunch of people who inspire and replenish me. A few of them share a large house near to where I live and are vegan, grow organic vegetables on their allotment, build yurts, use alternative technologies and medicines and practice attachment parenting.
Vicky had recently moved into this house (also where my other friend who I had doulaed had lived when she was pregnant) and I knew she would be supported and nurtured there. But the transition to Motherhood is a huge change in a Woman’s life, and can be difficult and distressing even with supportive friends.
Vicky had not had an easy pregnancy, whilst she was fit and healthy, she had a high BMI which immediately pushed her into the ‘high risk’ category and meant that she had distressing discussions with consultants at the hospital about her high risk of complications and was given an appointment to discuss anaesthesia (as if a caesarean was a forgone conclusion!)
I thought a Blessingway could help her reconnect with the positive and spiritual aspects of birth and to give her a backbone of support and love to call on in her labour, and was very glad when she liked the idea.
I read lots of information about Blessingways (including a fabulous book called Mother Rising: The Blessingway Journey into Motherhood by Yana Cortlund, Barb Lucke, and Donna Miller Watelet)and started to plan something I thought would be relevant to Vicky.
Although a Blessingway is inspired by a Navajo ceremony it can be adapted to suit an individuals preferences (So have Pagan or Wiccan references or Non religious etc)
The Main elements which are included in a Blessingway are-
Planning- Usually a Blessingway is planned by a friend of the Mother to be so the elements are a surprise to her. Some pre planning is required and you may need help to think about significant people to invite, invitations should be sent explaining the purpose of the Blessingway and what people need to bring with them.
Blessingway Invitation
We are having a Blessing way for Vicky on Feb 24th in Anstey’s garden.
A Blessing Way is one of the traditional healing ceremonies of the Navajo. . A Blessing Way is a (usually) Women only ceremony to mark a turning point, growth and change, performed late in the pregnancy and to give the mother to be strength for the deeply spiritual rite of passage she is about to encounter during her birth. Blessingways can mark the transition of any stage of life into another—young girl into womanhood, mother into post-motherhood.
You need to bring-
A bead, we will string these together to create a birthing necklace for Vicky to give her strength, protection and focus during the birth.
The gift of a written blessing: a poem, story, chant, or wish
An item of vegan food for us to share
A "creative" postpartum gift symbolizing relaxation, strength, or healing
Some words about motherhood, and wisdom drawn from our own childbirth experiences.
Call Selina with any questions
1: Beginning (the creation of a special ritual circle and preparing participants for ceremony)
2: Shifting (Stating the purpose, Introductions, releasing fears)
3: Focusing (Honouring, Pampering and Blessing the Mother to be)
4: Completing (Raising energy, weaving a web, thanking the spirits and opening the circle)
5: Feasting (Sharing food in celebration, grounding the ritual in our every day lives)
Vicky’s Blessingway
I prepared invitations and was a little nervous on the day as this was a new experience for me!
I hoped people would not be too embarrassed as Westerners by participating in a ritual (quite an unknown event for some of us. Vicky’s blessingway was based on American Indian as she had participated in other sacred rituals in years previously and this is what felt appropriate for her.
I invited quite a few of her friends (we included Men although some people plan women only ceremonies) and organised one of them to bring a camera.
I also had a list of necessary items-
Need for Blessingway-
Flour/Cornmeal
Pestle and mortar? (See Anstey)
Flowers
Crystal
Conch
Candles
Sage
Feather
Henna art
Paper and pens (to write fears)
Beads and bead kit
Herbs (lavender, chamomile, rose petals, parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme)
Bowl of hot water
Prayers and sayings
Red yarn (long enough to go round everyone)
Massage oil
Big candle
Food
STAGE 1: Beginning
We prepared a sacred space outside in my friend’s large garden. We were planning to have a yurt set up because of bad weather but with two of the houses members newly pregnant (as well as Vicky) this did not actually occur.
We set out a big tarp on the grass and created a circle on the theme of the four directions (using a compass!) with a central alter-
East- (Air-) Had a yellow cloth with a yellow candle and eggs, books, instruments, birds
South- (Fire)-A red cloth and candle with chiles, sun, cactus
West- (Water)- Blue cloth and candle and shells, driftwood, sea creatures
North- (Earth)- White cloth and candle with dirt, crystals, metal, fruit, large mammals (plastic model from a toy farm!).
A central alter was also made and here I placed other items we would need later on.
I had a script prepared so I knew what to say.
It was quite windy so me and my little girl had fun trying to stop all these items from blowing away. It was quite overcast so prayed the rain would hold off!
Eventually everyone was gathered and to cleanse and prepare everyone I used a Native American process called ‘Smudging’ this is a sacred tradition that has its roots in the indigenous cultures of the world. As a tradition, it has been passed down for millennia and many ways and variations exist. The common thread is that, the smoke from sacred herbs can be used for purification and spiritual preparation. You can smudge to clear and ground ourselves and our intentions before and after healing, initiation and ritual. Smudging is done with herbs (Usually Sage, Sage is used to “wash off” the outside world when one enters ceremony or other sacred space) tied in bundles called Smudge Sticks (you can buy these on e bay if you look under smudging). The smoke is “washed” over the person or object with a Feather (I used an eagle feather I found years ago in Canada) or by fanning the smoke with one’s hand.
Smoke is smudged over the front and back of each person including head, hand and feet. And as I did so, to each person I said:
“Take a deep breath. Relax, and let the smoke carry away all that is not needed here today.”
When everyone had been smudged I asked them to sit in a circle, With Vicky in the North direction and space for me beside her. I then cast a circle, saying:
“I am going to cast a circle to form a safe secure space for us all to welcome the ritual experience and open to spirit. Let us form this circle with clear thoughts, wise heads and kind hearts”
With cornmeal I walked around the circle clockwise and then spoke these words-
“The blessingway is an ancient Native American ritual so we summon the four directions as part of our ritual.
The directions hold powerful, guiding and protective energies, and when called upon, their qualities awaken parts of our inner selves and bring forth the highest and best we have to offer to the circle”
All turn to face each direction as we call. And light each alter candle after each direction is called.
“Blessed be this gathering with the gifts of the East: communication of the heart, mind and body; fresh beginnings with each rising of the sun; the knowledge of the growth found in sharing silences
Blessed be this gathering with the gifts of the South: warmth of hearth and home; the heat of the hearts passion; the light to illuminate the darkest of times.
Blessed be this gathering with the gifts of the West: the lakes deep commitments; the rivers swift excitement; the seas breath of knowing.
Blessed be this gathering with the gifts of the North: Firm foundation on which to build; fertile fields to enrich our lives; a stable home to which we may always return.”
STAGE 2: Shifting
I then said:
“We have created a sacred space; all the energies we wish to be present have been summoned so I will now state the intention for the gathering.”
“We’ve gathered here today to acknowledge, honour, and celebrate Vicky’s journey into Motherhood. In this sacred space we will help Vicky clear her path to Motherhood by supporting her as she releases her fears worries and anything else that might be standing in her way of her fully embracing the coming of her child. By our coming together, we will weave a web of support for Vicky, pledging our care and our willingness to provide for her throughout the weeks to come. I would also like us to send out energy and love to Anstey and Rachelle and their unborn babies, new souls to join their families.
A blessingway is a Sacred, Spirit guided ritual. In light of this we ask that everyone stay mindful, flexible and speak consciously. We also ask that everyone try to stay present during the ritual, focusing your attention on Vicky and sending her your love and support.
A blessingway has the power to evoke very strong emotion. Which is part of the releasing process. Vicky’s blessingway is a no fault ritual so do not be concerned if you have never been to one before. In this safe and sacred circle, all contributions will be honoured and don’t feel you have to say anything or participate if you don’t want to.
Confidentiality is key to creating safety for everyone today.
Our circle has been cast and is now closed. If you need to leave the circle to take care of anything please do so but please leave and return quietly. Thank you for joining us.”
I would like us all to go round the circle and introduce ourselves, by telling us your name, your mothers and children’s names and how you know Vicky
I am Selina, daughter of Glenda, mother of Dominique
I spoke about how I met Vicky, what she means to me, the privilege of being asked to attend Vicky’s birth and also how I had been present at two other women’s births at that group. This was a very special time as Jo (who had also lived in that house) had been a very traumatic birth both for her and myself so the blessingway was also a very healing ritual for us both.
After everyone had introduced themselves we moved on to releasing fears (very important as we all know, to a good birth!) and I said:
“Next we will release our fears. The process of letting go of fear is one of the most powerful parts of a blessingway. Expressing fears helps us let them go, releasing them from our hearts and placing them in the hands of spirit.
Expressing fear does not give energy to that fear, if you deny your fear exists it allows it to grow. If we release our fears, that space can be filled with openness and love.
Please take a minute to write down a couple of worries on the pieces of paper you have been given, these can be about anything (don’t have to be about babies etc)
We will then go round the circle and if we feel able, read aloud our fears and then place them burn them in the bonfire at the bottom of the garden.
People were a little embarrassed but everyone was participating in the ritual and we moved to the fire and said:
“By doing this we release our fears, expectations and distractions to the four winds. May we now be free to focus our minds and heats on the present moment” (all repeat)
Having met the demons, a woman is ready to affirm her inherent ability to birth her child
STAGE 3: Focusing
By this time it had started to rain quite heavily, but this did not put us off! In fact it felt right in some ways!
I said:
Now we begin the work of our gathering.
The pathway to birth is a journey of a lifetime. We have gathered together today to help prepare Vicky to make this journey. If everyone will move in closer to Vicky. Vicky we will be adorning you with a crown of flowers to show you have divine attributes. We will take it in turns to decorate you with Mehndi henna to bring luck, protection and good fortune.
We will be massaging your shoulders to help prepare you for bearing the responsibilities of motherhood. We will massage your hands to ready them for the physically hard work of motherhood. And we will bathe your feet to soothe them and clear the way for a peaceful journey.
This was a lovely time, we had a washing up bowl full of hot water and herbs and rose petals which Vicky put her feet in, and we all massaged her, a very sweet loving and laughing time for all of us.
I then asked everyone to reform the circle and we created a birthing necklace (of beads) for Vicky the necklace was for Vicky to take to wear or hold during childbirth to serve as a calming focus.
The act of creating the necklace symbolises the strength of our shared experiences as people.
Each person had to describe why they chose the bead they did (how did the bead speak to you?), and if you like you can read a poem or prose to empower Vicky or tell us about a positive aspect of your birth or a birth that you have been involved with, the bead is then passed around the circle and threaded for Vicky
I had gathered together (again from E bay) quite a few semi precious beads with the meaning of the stone for people that had not found a bead they could give.
I had also printed off a few sayings (By Kahil Gibran, Clarissa Pinkola Estes etc) but actually spoke about Magic, the partner of the girl taking the photographs, who had recently died, what a wonderful spirit he was and what a wonderful birth partner (they had attended my homebirth group and had two homebirths)
At this point we could have also given blessings, but everyone was getting cold and wet, so we moved on to
STAGE 4: Completing
I said
Before we end this ritual we need to raise the energy in this circle so it can be sent out into the world, we can do this by all holding hands and … will lead us in a chant
This was difficult as I had no chant prepared but we all hummed a note for quite a while and then asked everyone to stop and place their palms on the floor to ground the returning energy to the Earth
Next we wove a web, to remind us of our connection to each other and to spirit
A ball of red yarn was passed round, the yarn wound around each person’s wrist several times, and then thrown to another circle member.
When the yarn connects everyone, this symbolises that we are united as one and represents the circle of women and the circle of life.
Everyone stand and pull back gently to feel the strength of the connections they had just made.
We then cut the Yarn each person helping their neighbours to tie their bracelets onto wrists.
After the birth, everyone is free to cut off the bracelet; in the meantime, it is a constant reminder on their wrists of Vicky's upcoming journey. Everyone should wear the bracelet until you receive word that the baby has been born.
I then completed the blessingway ritual by closing the circle and giving thanks
By saying:
“Spirit (or Goddess or four directions) we are grateful for your loving and powerful presence here with us today. We release you from this circle with our thanks, asking that you remain with Vicky from now until the birth of her baby”
The alter candle was extinguished
Today, we have succeeded in forming a beautiful sacred space for Vicky’s blessingway. The strength and energy we have helped Vicky to raise is shining inside her and radiating out for all of us to see. The power of the feminine spirit has been unveiled in each of us today. May we carry the knowledge and gifts we’ve received on into everything we do from this day on. Let us stay connected to Vicky, creating a cradle of support, as she awaits her birthing day and beyond, as she learns to mother her new baby. This has been a powerful day.
Opening the circle
Let us take care of our children, for they have a long way to go. Let us take care of our elders, for they have come a long way. Let us take care of those of us in between, for we are doing the work (African prayer)
I Walked around the circle anti clockwise, and said
“Our circle is now open, but remains unbroken”
I’m glad you were all here to share this special day.
We finally moved on to everyone’s favourite part, feasting! And moved inside for tea and cake. It was a very special and powerful day and people still talk about it now, months on. For myself I found it very useful and I hope to do more blessingways and encourage others to perform them as they are a fantastic way to prepare women for Motherhood joyfully.
Vicky went on to birth a nearly 10lb persistently posterior baby on all fours, triumphantly!